Religion

I mostly try not to talk about religion. I think you are either in or you're out. I was brought up catholic, required to go to church every Sunday, then to Sunday school after that. Received my First Communion and then was Confirmed. I believe it was shortly after that point that my mother didn't require us to go anymore and I stopped. At that time, I thought it was all about old men controlling people and well, a bit of greed, always wanting money and keeping track of how much you gave (a whole other story). I resented the church.
When I was 9 and my 12 yr old sister died. Everyone said things like, God had a plan for her, he will take care of her, and a bunch of other similar shit. And I thought, are you kidding me?  What kind of god kills little kids? And lets bad people run around free? Then there is the whole thing about her soul - She's up there watching you, you'll see her again some day, etc. Her and God, and a hundred trillion other people who have died since the beginning of mankind. So what does that mean?  It means that once you die, your 'soul', some lifeless, aura of yourself, can do everything an alive person can do and more. Ya know, like fly and judge and talk too, because mediums and psychics, say they talk to them all the time. So your soul is up there (it's always 'up there' because 'down there' would be bad) and watching, along with god. Like everyone lives in one big Truman Show. All the dead people you've ever known are watching your every move and deciding you did the right thing - or the wrong thing - except those things never get mentioned. Can you fucking imagine everything you ever do, EVERYTHING, being watched?  You are your own TV channel. And of course there is god.  HE is up there judging you as well. Keeping a big scoreboard in the sky so that when you die, he can make a determination about whether or not you deserve to live up there in the nebulous heaven with all the good people. Maybe he decides your life has been so egregiously bad that you must be relegated to hell, where you will burn for eternity. So, once I die, and they burn my physical body, which maybe is sacrilegious because I'm beating god to the punch, my essence, my soul, will float to either heaven or hell. I think, if I have a choice, why would I choose hell? How stupid is that to think my soul is gonna fly out of my body and then go stand in line and when god, or his designated lackey tells me that I wasn't good enough to ya know, live in heaven, that I'm just going to turn around and go OK, I'll go jump in the fire then. Really?
I understand the need for religion. I understand people wanting for their to be a higher power, something to blame when something bad happens, or someone to praise when a good thing happens for apparently no reason.  I understand the need to believe in something else when logic isn't working to explain something. I understand the need to wish, wish very hard, that something isn't true or will disappear or get better. I understand the desire to hope that one day, you will be reunited with the loved ones lost. I can't think of a single thing that could happen though, to make me believe any of it.

Our perpetual war

I am sick and goddamn tired of this war in Afghanistan.  Not just because of this most recent incident, where a soldier went out and murdered innocent men, women and children, but the whole thing - from the beginning.  I watched the Soviets invade Afghanistan (in an eye in the sky kind of way). They had plenty of money and a giant military. I have no idea what they ultimately hoped to accomplish, other than acquire another satellite country for themselves, but obviously they had to leave without accomplishing it. 
Who the fuck do we think we are? I understand the desire to go after Bin Laden.  If that had been our mission we could have accomplished it years ago and been done with it.
You can't stop people in a country, or even a band of terrorists, from finding somewhere to train themselves as an army.  Maybe you can find the camp and destroy it, but invading a whole country to do this is, well, stupid. In our own country, we have groups that train in camps to make their own little armies, and I don't see us dropping bombs on them.
So I was thinking about this horrifying incident and then read this article over at Eschaton. I have had friends who have gone there as government workers and others as contractors. Everyone knows the contractors who go to a war zone, make a shitload of money.  Even government workers who go make gobs of money. One of my friends was there and dealt with contractors, which got me thinking about all that we are building over there.
These people don't have a pot to piss in, and yet, we are building these bases all over the countryside.  Heaven forbid a soldier fighting a war can't go to fucking TGI Fridays for dinner  (and no, I have nothing against a soldier having a good meal). When we leave, our trash is left behind.  We have wasted billions, probably trillions of dollars on building this bullshit in a country that still brings their wares to the market on a goddamn donkey.  I'm sure they can just install some hitching posts outside the Pizza Hut.
When did we, as a country, decide that every other country in the world should be just like us. We keep doing this shit, we'll have no tourism industry either.

Abortion laws

Everyone is going crazy over Virginia's proposed law that women have an ultrasound prior to being able to have an abortion. I remember this type of law was passed in Texas last year and when I went searching for information on it, I found that not only does Texas require it, but so do five other states.  Is it just that no one was aware that it happened in all these other states?  Virginia is closer to DC, so it's in the Washington Post?  I am not aware of the specifics, but I'm assuming that because of the age of the fetus, the ultrasound must be performed transvaginally.  Texas requires the woman receiving the abortion 'hear' the heartbeat and the doctor must show and describe the fetus to her.  This obviously has been challenged in the courts and according to this article, on Feb 7, the requirement was upheld.
I am so goddamn tired of these assholes thinking they have a right to make laws dictating every aspect of a womans life but OMG the government is too big and intrusive. I don't know the answer to any of this.  I sit here and wonder how the country will look in another 10 years and I just hope the frustration over the crazy won't kill me.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life

I absolutely hate that saying. I'm not sure why.  Maybe because it's all so touchy feely positive.  But, in reality, we all have so many opportunities to start again. I know I have had many.  The first time was when I could finally move from my parents home when I graduated from high school. I was 17 and finally in charge of my own life.  I got a job for $2.10 an hour and moved to my own apartment (yes, I'm old). The next time was when I joined the Air Force a couple years later.  Since I retired from the military, I've had as many opportunities as I've wanted to start again. When I got cancer, I was afraid that would be the end of my life and am thankful that it wasn't. When I woke up after my surgery, it was another first day.  Last year, I went back to school.  I am hoping it leads to a job where I can feel productive again. So in conjunction with my last semester of class and subsequent internship, I am starting another first day on Monday. I've made a commitment to get in shape. I'm skeptical about a personal trainer, but what I really need is motivation and I think she will supply that. We'll see what happens.